Why is my Partner Abusive?
Abusive partners come in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, and may appear to be tough or gentle. No psychological test can distinguish an abusive person from a respectful one. Abusiveness is not a product of a person's emotional injuries or of deficits in their skills. In reality, abuse springs from a person's early cultural training, their role models, and peer influences. Abuse is a problem of values, not of psychology. Following are some examples of abusive behaviors:
This generally falls into one or more of the following areas: arguments and decision-making, controlling your personal freedom, and parenting.
The abuser believes that they have a special status and that it provides them with rights and privileges that do not apply to their partner(s).
Feeling like the victim.
This entitlement thinking makes the abuser shift responsibility onto their partner(s). So when the victims attempts to defend themselves, abusers will accuse victims of violence.
Denying or minimizing the abuse.
The abuser denies their actions to close off discussion or because they don’t want to answer for what they did.
Possessiveness is at the core of the abuser’s mindset; on some level they feel that they own their partner(s) and therefore have the right to treat them as the abuser sees fit. Extreme jealousy can also be used to isolate, either because the abuser wants the victim to focus entirely on their needs or they don’t want their partner to develop sources of strength that could help them gain independence.