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I Had No Friends to Confide In

I Had No Friends to Confide In

 

And the most terrifying part was I didn't believe anyone would believe me.

I had known the guy who'd become my abuser and my ex boyfriend since I was in the fourth grade, when everything was harmless and it was just an elementary school crush. I'd become a sophomore in High School and was 15 before we reconnected, and finally got together that year.
I can’t even say it started off great, because before the physical abuse, the mental abuse was prominent. He never liked to be seen with me, always told me I was less than him, told me what I could and couldn't do, what I could wear and who I could talk to. The physical abuse started quickly after. Something small like hugging his friend lead to an argument that resulted in him punching me in my chest. He cried and told me it was "my fault" for making him so angry to do something like that and I truly believed it, so I stayed.

It only got worse, to bruises on my arms, getting mad to choke me until I couldn't breathe, and dragging me by my hair. Then, the sexual abuse came, him making me do stuff although I consistently said no and even he commented "I’m almost finished." He argued that it wasn't rape because I’d already had sex with him, but it was always rape and it always will be rape.

Everything got worse and he continuously isolated me from my friends and my family, until I had no one to rely on but him. At this point, I’d tried leaving him, which resulted in him choking me until I felt like passing out, dragging me by my hair, and slapping me in my face. I was scared, I’d tried to leave him but on multiple occasions he'd told me he'd kill me if I ever left, and I honestly believe he would. I didn't know who to tell. I was embarrassed to tell my parents the person I’d brought home was beating me. I had no friends to confide in, and the most terrifying part was I didn't believe anyone would believe me.
I was only 15 and I was sure every one would believe I was lying and not help me leave. Fast forward two months, I eventually cut it off through the phone, at home with my mom as I explained everything he'd done to me. But it didn't stop there; he harassed and followed me at school to where I consistently had to see my social worker and guidance counselor for help. He came to my neighborhood to watch me, texted my new friends I made asking what I was doing and where I was. Threatened me by saying he would go as far as to hurt himself if I didn't come back.

It's been three months of being freed, and I’m still working on healing, and learning to love myself before anyone else. I'm now 16, and although I’m young, I know that other people feel that their too young to share their story too, and you're not. If I had seen one story similar to mine at my age, it really would've helped me come out.

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